Stress Management - Help for Parents

© Michelle Howard Smith - All Rights Reserved

Are you a mom or dad?  If you are reading this particular article on Stress Management, then it's a good chance that you are.  You could be a biological mom or dad, a step mom or step dad or even a surrogate parent.  Whatever your status, being a parent in any form can be stressful in and of itself.  As a parent of 3, I know how very real stress can be in the life of a person who has been given the task of raising and nurturing other human beings into full adulthood.  Every day demands from the time a suckling child is born into the world up until the day that little one grows up and goes off to college, there are challenges that can lead to stress - intermittent periods of stress to major high points of stress.  In order to help others preserve their sanity, I've put together a collection of tips that have proven beneficial in the lives of other parents, including myself to help manage stress.

Before providing some stress management tips for parents, I'd like to first detail the various stages from birth to teen that are common causes of stress for parents: 

• Stage A - Baby is born and just when you thought all is well, you are faced with the stress from thinking you must be the best mother or father in the world.  Mothers will probably relate more with stress at this stage.  You want to ensure that baby is loved and cared for.  The one big problem you face now is that the little baby boy or girl doesn't communicate very well.  Their only form of communication is crying these nasally little grunts that eventually turn into blood curdling screams.  "Is she hungry?" "Does he have gas?"  "Is he sleepy?"  Dad's probably decided to sleep through the midnight feedings and diaper changes (not in all cases) so after only 2 hours of sleep, mom is awake AGAIN to feed the crying little one.  Only this time, she really isn't hungry and just wants to be held for an hour.  Meanwhile, you are experiencing sleep deprivation.  Your body is tired, you feel confused during this transition period trying to figure out how to meet the demands of this growing little one AND hormones are working overtime, causing major feelings of stress and tension. 

• Stage B - Baby has become what's commonly known as "terrible 2" which really can last until about age 5.  This is the stage of life when a toddler thinks that the world revolves around them (you'll see this stage all throughout their lives, especially the Teenage years) and everything must happen NOW.  "Mommy, I want pop-porn now!"  Mommy, rub my back!"  Or how about when you walk in a room to find that your darling toddler has decided to play Picasso on your freshly painted walls.  You get the picture (literally).  Boy oh boy, these little ones really work on your nerves and can cause major stress if you allow them to with their constant whining, demands and acts of mischief. 

• Stage C - The tween years.  Time to teach about the birds and the bees.  Your girl/boy is not exactly a teen yet but he/she is beginning to experience certain "feelings."  Body parts are growing.  "My God, she needs a bra!" "He is starting to think girls may not be so yucky after all."  It's at this point that communication must be the strongest.  Children are developing into the big T, TEENS.  Parents may begin experiencing feels of stress not knowing exactly how to answer all of the burning questions that come at this age without compromising "my baby's" innocence.  Single dad's have it just as hard raising daughters.  Dad's may experience some form of stress trying to relate with their daughters who are growing into young ladies. 

• Stage D - TEENAGER!  This can possibly be the most stressful time for a parent.  Teens think they know more than their parents and in our modern day of technology, in some cases they do.  However, they believe that parents are old, outdated, out of style and just plain clueless.  This can cause parents a lot of stress and frustration because, it is our job as parents to protect our children and steer them toward making positive choices that will result in a bright future.  This is very difficult when the Teen thinks he or she is grown already and knows what's best.  I'm not advocating violence but sometimes you want to just slap them in the mouth.  In some cases, as a result of this Know-It-All mentality, teens can write out a big fat check for trouble that their behinds can't cash.
  
  Teenagers face the experiences of growing into becoming their own person alongside the threats of all that the streets have to offer.  If they do not have parents to keep them in check, are not careful, and/or are not strong enough to resist temptations and peer pressure, they will make poor decisions that may result in taking drugs, drinking alcohol, having premarital sex or joining gangs.  Parents must really have open lines of communication with their teens at this point because it's communication that can make the difference between a young girl or boy bound for college and a teenage pregnancy or juvenile detention.  Parents have to effectively manage stress at this stage of parenting if both parents and children are to survive emotionally, socially, and maybe even physically. 

So, now that we've looked at some stages of parenting that can be overwhelmingly stressful, let's explore some ways that can help parents manage stress.  Keeping things as elementary as possible, the number one way to manage stress as a parent is to keep an open line of communication with your children.  Parents must be willing to set and enforce rules.  While everyone would like to be their son or daughter's friend, that is not the major role to be played. Friendship is secondary to parenting.

Once rules are established, as a parent you must stand your ground and keep your word.  When you say you are going to do something, do it.  For example, if you tell your child that if they come in late from school (barring reasons beyond their control like a delayed bus), they will be restricted from activities they enjoy, enforce that.  Do not cave in a few days later and let your child resume those activities.  You are only as good as your word.  If you do not keep your word, your child will not believe you when you say you are going to do something and they will be more apt to break your rules because they know they will not be punished for their behavior, or at least they won't think they will be punished for long.  After all, that is the pattern that you have established.  It may hurt but it's for their own good.

Now, below are 12 actual things you, the parent can do to help reduce the stress in your own life:

1. If you believe in God, pray.  You will need His help to raise your children.  He knows what they are thinking and what they are doing when you are not around and He can and will help you put them and keep them on the right path.


2. Regularly take time out for yourself.  If you are married, have a "date night" at least once a week.  Even if it's just a day at home watching movies with no children in the house (Get a babysitter or relative to take them away for a night or a few hours)


3. Get organized at home.  While multitasking is common among parents, particularly mothers, it's better to accomplish tasks in a pre-set, orderly fashion so you do not get overwhelmed or anxious.


4. Journal - Take 10-20 minutes out in the evenings after the kids are in bed, to write out your thoughts.  Doing so can help clear the mind and bring about focus.  Diaries aren't just for kids


5. Have a tub soak in hot water.  Adding some bath salts to your water can provide a relaxing aromatherapy experience..  Release those pinned up frustrations by taking time out to relax.  Make sure you have someone keep the kids occupied if they are still awake.  Let everyone know this is your "Me" time and you will not be disturbed.


6. Talk to a trusted friend and take time out once a month if possible (at least every other month), to hang with a girl friend/guy friend - Shopping is a great form of relaxation if you can do so with cash and not put a strain on your finances.


7. Have monthly family meetings.  Keeping open lines of communication is key to reducing stress.  This time gives parents and children a time to express what's going on in their worlds.  Be aware that kids are not always open to this but once you develop a habit of meeting, they will learn that it's a great time to spend together and that mom and dad actually care about how they feel.


8. Get enough Sleep.  8 hours is the guideline but I realize it's not always possible.  If not, try to get a nap in for at least an additional 90 minutes some time during the day to recharge.  This is probably more realistic for stay at home parents but weekend naps are beneficial too.


9. Plan your day a day in advance.  Clothing and hair (girls) should be assembled the night before (I got this one from an older mom with 11 children).  Breakfast and Lunch should be planned the day before if possible.  Planning meals helps cut down on time.


10. Cook meals in advance on the weekend.  If you can make several meals over the weekend that you can freeze and reheat during the following week, it will save you time.


11. Set your alarm clock to wake up 15 minutes before you actually want to wake up. This will allow you that few minutes of "snooze" time without causing you to rush which can cause stress.


12. Practice Deep Breathing throughout the day.  Even before moments of stress hit, breathe!

Lastly, please believe. You Deserve some Peace and Relaxation.  After all you have been assigned the difficult task of framing the lives of tomorrow's future nurses, doctors, lawyers, teachers, politicians, dancers, singers, actors, writers, sales force, police officers, and more.