Forgiving People - Learning to Forgive and Forget

© Michelle Howard Smith - All Rights Reserved

Forgiving people is often difficult. When a person offends you by hurting your feelings or making you angry, forgiving them can make you feel like you are letting the offender off "scott free".  After all, why do people not treat you the way they want to be treated?  It's sometimes difficult to fathom that a person would say or do something to hurt another human being, especially when it's on purpose.  Some people even treat their pets better than they do humans.

Regardless of the reasons a person offends you, forgiving people is something you must learn to do on purpose. Forgiveness is an act of your will.  You may not feel like you have forgiven them because emotional hurt may still be present.  In time however, the hurt and pain will begin to leave when you make a decision to forgive.  For your sake, you must forgive.  Forgiveness is not for the offender.  It is for you.  You need to release the hurt and pain.  This will free you from unforgiveness that causes you to have emotions that do more harm than good.

Learning to forgive and forget is not easy but here are some things you can consciously set out to do so that you can start the process of healing:

• Put yourself in the "shoes" of your offender.  Think about what could be causing his or her actions and words. It could be the result of childhood abuse, neglect or something else traumatic.  Many times when people say or do cruel things, they are conditioned to be that way.

• Pray and ask God to help you forgive

• Consciously do something nice for the offending person even if you don't want to or feel like it. It doesn't have to be something big. It can be as small as a buying them a cup of coffee; although they may be hesitant to drink it if they know good and well what they have done (smile).  You may be surprised to discover that there is a wall of protection a person has put up.  One act of kindness can break this wall down and help you to understand that your offender has more hurt going on inside of them than you do, just for different reasons

• Seek counseling if you are finding forgiving people to be too difficult.

• Use aromatherapy as an alternative means to release emotional trauma and promote a forgiving environment.

• Remember that you have offended people in your past. Think about times when others have forgiven you.

While forgiving people will never be an easy feat, following the suggestions I've just provided you with will help you to learn how to forgive and ultimately forget.  It all begins with a decision.  Do YOU want to forgive and be forgiven?