The Peace of a Disabled Child

by Michelle Howard Smith (all rights reserved)

There are wars and rumors of wars.  Gas prices are escalating.  Large, age old businesses are closing their doors.  You turn on the tv and there is crime, chaos and confusion everywhere.  Babies are having babies (nothing new).  The average American is fearing this nation's economic stability, national security and experiencing household stress.  People of "normalcy" everywhere are experiencing such stress and strain in this day and age, such as has never been seen before.  This has led me to wonder and to ponder about some things.

I've often felt bad because my little boy, Christopher has so many physical and mental limitations.  It's bothered me that he may never walk.  I am bothered by the fact that he is unable to play with "normal" boys and girls.  I feel the stress of having to take off work and run CJ to doctor's appointments and such.  All of this is what I am experiencing.  What about Christopher?  I've been so concerned with my feelings and now I'm taking "I" and the "me" out of the equation.  As I look at my son, I realize that in spite of his physical and mental limitations, he is always smiling.  He is a happy child who is completely oblivious to the horrible and stressful events going on in our nation.  He is unaware that there is war going on; unaware of rapists and murderers; unaware of the Wall Street fiasco and unaware of earthquakes and fires and deceptive liars.

What is it that is so different about a child with disabilities from a normal child who grows up to be a productive member of society?  Will my son grow up to be a productive member of society?  Sure he will.  He already contributes so much to the lives of people whose paths he has crossed.  The sweet spirit this child possesses; the loving touch he gives and the encouragement that results from knowing him - to know that there is indeed love and peace in the world, if even just in a small corner.  While seemingly normal people are stressing out over many circumstances, Christopher is living in a world of peace that these people (myself included) will never experience.  His disabilities have shielded him to the harsh realities of this planet.  How long will it last?  We can not tell.  Forever? Maybe... Maybe not.  When he gets older he may understand some of it, yet not all.  While he may grow to wonder why it is that he is unable to do some of the things that other boys and girls can do, he is blessed because while they can do some things he can not, he can experience a peace they can not.  The peace of being blissfully unaware of how cruel other kids can be; the peace of not worrying about doing wrong and getting punished; the peace of not worrying about where his next meal will come from; the peace of not worrying about passing a test; the peace of not worrying if he will be abused; the peace of not understanding the discrimination or bullying that a child his age may encounter.  The peace of being unaware that he must have surgery.  Recently, Christopher had surgery and I watched him wheeled into the operating all the while clapping as if he were going on this exciting journey.  Didn't he know that he was about to be cut on?  As of today, as of right now, as far as Christopher is concerned, "All is well."

Maybe ignorance is bliss?  Certainly, this unseen peace of my child with disabilities is a peace like none other.  Maybe us "normal" folks are the ones who are really "disabled."