Selfishness versus Selflessness - How To Live With Both Without Guilt

by Michelle H Smith

Since I don't know you, I'm going to assume you're one of those kids like I was whose mom taught that it's more blessed to give than to receive.  Growing up there was always those little life lessons that taught the importance of selfishness versus selflessness.

For some reason, there is a negative association with being selfish and rightfully so.  After all, people who are completely selfish think mainly of themselves and could care less about others.  Self is at the center of everything.

Selfishness versus Selflessness

The actual definition of selfishness is to be devoted to or caring only for oneself. You do that every time you take a shower, brush your teeth, eat alone or go shopping for yourself.   It's all about you.

Selflessness is being devoted to someone else's welfare or interest and not your own. If you have the day in and day out responsibilities of feeding, bathing, dressing, and medicating (I could go on) another, while neglecting or putting off doing things you love to do, you are being selfless.

Being Selfish Isn't All Bad

It's true.  Selfishness is not a good main quality to have but when you have the huge responsibility of tending to the needs of others for the majority of the time, there comes a time when you have to exercise a little selfishness.  It's not all bad and you don't need to feel guilty.

The technical selfish act of taking the time out to be selfish by caring for your personal needs from time to time will actually help you to be more selfless.

You Can Be Selfish and Selfless and Not Feel Bad About It

Living a life that's mainly about service to others, either by choice or not doesn't allow for a lot of time to do things like go on shopping sprees, take lots of vacations or over-indulge...the things most "normal" people do.

When you spend time pampering and caring for yourself, that's technically showing a little selfishness so don't think of selfishness vs. selflessness as a one or the other sort of thing.  There is a fine line between the two.

As a caregiver, taking that "selfish" time to get well rested, relaxed and feeling good paves the way for you to be more efficient, less stressed and cheerful. That selfish time will also forge a more positive attitude toward the many circumstances you find yourself facing.

Want to find out some ways you can exercise a little selfishness to prepare you to be more selfless?  Michelle Smith has created a free Stress Less Recipe that provides you with helpful tips & techniques to help reduce and manage stress in your life. Sign up here.